It was December 2020 and the world was spinning quickly even though most of life was on hold. My life partner was planning a surprise proposal – including a mural commissioned by my favorite artist – and from an outside perspective, my life was going according to plan.
My dream job at a high growth Fortune 500 company, where my company stock was nearly vested, was burning me out. Tale as old as time, I was the ultimate Yes Girl who agreed to everything, asked what else I could do, drove double digit business increases and still made it to yoga class while remembering to call my Grandma every week.
Our proposal occurred on Christmas Day, because any day prior to my peak sales week would be “too stressful” for me to leave the house and go on a walk with my partner. The whole experience was magical, unexpected, romantic and perfect. But when we returned home to celebrate, I felt guilty for not having time to finish a project for work that weekend as we gathered with immediate family. I distinctly remember telling a colleague, “I know I should be working on placing Q2 orders, but I also need to do a puzzle and drink champagne with my fiance.”
the puzzle we completed post-engagement where I felt extreme guilt for not working 
creating time to paint custom save-the-dates for our fall wedding 
appreciating nature and taking time to stop and smell the magnolias
When did it become such a challege to be present in the moment? When did work obligations start to outweigh life milestones? I can certainly blame the pandemic and the blurred boundaries it created. I can also credit my personality of needing to give 100% effort to everything I am involved in. When the new year and new administration began, hope began to spread its wings. Change was in the air, but little did I know I was about to pivot into a new lifestyle that would allow me to regain my balance, be fully present and prioritize life milestones.
In February 2021, I gave my company 3 weeks notice, accepted a role at a small business and began packing up my desk (there were a lot of plants and cat photos to bring home). Everyone around me reacted differently to this shift. To be honest, it was fascinating to compare the range of responses from all the incredible people in my life.
My Father: We support you in whatever you decide, but maybe talk with your manager about your stress level and see if he can take work off your plate?
My Mother: I love [New Company Name] and can totally picture you there! You’ll do great and they’ll be lucky to have you!
My Grandmother: Sending lots of love and hugs and kisses to you (string of emojis).
My Partner: Danielle, it sounds like you need someone to make this decision for you. So I’m making the decision for you, just QUIT! You can always do HamsaMade full time.
My Twin: I’m so excited for your future and so proud of you for making a healthy decision.
Mentor #1: Honestly, I’m not surprised.
Mentor #2: You’re going to work…in a store? During COVID? Are you sure about this?
My Rabbi: It sounds like you needed to create space to think about everything else going on in your life. Whatever your next choice is will be healthier and happier.
At the end of the day, the only reaction that mattered was my own.
In the two months since I left my corporate job, I have achieved more than I thought possible in terms of wellness, balance and creative energy. While I still am working full time, I get to dedicate more space in my brain to building HamsaMade into the brand I know it can be. I have more time to paint, time to celebrate Shabbat, time to reach out to clients, time to write letters, and time to plan my backyard wedding.
This day and age, as people are struggling and collecting unemployment, I recognize the privilege I had to be able to quite a job and instantly begin a new one that also provides healthcare. If my new role didn’t provide medical insurance, I could have afforded a few months of COBRA or chosen to join my partner’s health plan. I realize that the vast majority of folks may not have any of these options. It makes me shudder to think of how many individuals stay in a job that makes them feel unhealthy in order to have access to healthcare.
Today is the 18th day of Iyar, 5781 and we are approaching the festival of Shavuot, when we received the Torah. Now that I am embracing the slower, more present lifestyle I have created for myself, I am learning to notice the beauty around me more than ever before. I am healing and sowing the seeds that I’ve planted. Anisa Makhoul, an artist based in Portland, writes, “If your subconscious thoughts matched your conscious thoughts, your life would be one big magic dream ride.”
It is my deepest hope that this new chapter allows me to bask in the beauty around me and surrender to stillness in order to move forward. It’s time to let go of my dream job to pursue my dreams.
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